Download E-books Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain PDF

By Portia de Rossi

During this searing, unflinchingly sincere New York occasions bestseller, actress Portia de Rossi stocks the reality of her lengthy conflict to beat anorexia and bulimia whereas residing within the public eye, and information the hot happiness and future health she has present in contemporary years—including her popping out and her marriage to Ellen DeGeneres.

Now in paperback, the New York Times bestselling memoir from Portia de Rossi explores the reality of her lengthy conflict to beat anorexia and bulimia—“an surprisingly clean and engrossing memoir of either Hollywood and smooth womanhood” ( Los Angeles Times, five stars).

during this groundbreaking memoir, Portia de Rossi finds the soreness and disease that haunted her for many years, from the time she was once a twelve-year-old lady operating as a version in Australia, via her early upward push to popularity as a solid member of the hit tv convey Ally McBeal. the entire whereas terrified that the reality of her sexuality will be uncovered within the tabloids, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, placing her existence at risk and concealing from herself and everybody round her the seriousness of her illness.

She describes the flowery rituals round nutrients that got here to dominate hours of each day and explores the pivotal moments of her early life that set her at the highway to affliction. She unearths the heartache and worry that accompany a existence lived within the closet, a feeling of isolation that used to be purely magnified through her unrelenting wish to be ever thinner, ever extra in command of her physique and the variety of energy she ate up and spent.

From her lowest aspect, Portia begun the painful climb again to a lifetime of overall healthiness and honesty, falling in love and marrying Ellen DeGeneres and rising as an outspoken and articulate recommend for homosexual rights and women’s healthiness concerns. during this awesome and landmark ebook, she has given the area a narrative that evokes desire and nourishes the spirit.

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Inside a truly short while I weighed 168 kilos. greater than hating myself, I easily had no experience of myself. It was once like i used to be thoroughly with no ego for these months of being at my heaviest. I had reentered existence, however it didn’t appear like my very own lifestyles. It gave the impression of i used to be passively watching different people’s lives. I didn’t discuss myself. i used to be basically drawn to conversing approximately other folks. I had determined that i might very rigorously make it recognized that i used to be homosexual to some homosexual humans round me. I figured that I had thoroughly ruined my occupation via being fats, so i'd in addition be homosexual additionally. I figured that if I ever labored back, it might be as a “character” actress or enjoying the easiest buddy to the lead lady, so if my homosexuality was once rumored round city, it wouldn’t relatively do any longer harm to the picture I’d already created for myself by means of being fats. On one very courageous celebration I observed an acquaintance to a lesbian bar. I stood within the nook at a desk dealing with clear of the consumers. i used to be fearful of being famous. With a push from my buddy I went out onto the dance ground and requested an enticing woman for her mobilephone quantity. She was once beautiful not just bodily, yet there has been a feeling of freedom approximately her. the exact opposite of me on the time, she seemed to be either carefree and level-headed. We dated for approximately 4 months. whereas i used to be having fun with being in my first courting with a girl, my bulimia intensified. I take into account after a binge/purge consultation that lasted hours, she stunned me through shedding over. while she observed the crimson dots above my eyes and the way ailing I appeared and sounded, she ran to the shop to shop for constituents to make poultry soup. As I ate the soup she lovingly made, I felt ashamed. I hated that I needed to lie and conceal my secrets and techniques from my paintings and from my female friend. My paranoia and worry of being exposed—for having an consuming disease and for my sexuality—were excruciating. there has been strong reason behind my paranoia. A paparazzo had figured out that i used to be homosexual and made it her venture to out me. She stalked me. She waited for me on a daily basis in entrance of my construction and me all over the place, sometimes making eye touch with me and signing to me that she used to be looking at me; that she knew who i used to be. I have been photographed via paparazzi earlier than, even undefined, yet this felt like being a deer in a hunter’s scope. She and her driving force have been very competitive and really frightening. the phobia and paranoia resulted in my relationship’s loss of life because it used to be most unlikely for me to go away the home with my female friend with out feeling intensely fearful and uncomfortable. not just used to be I frightened of being uncovered as homosexual, i used to be petrified of being photographed as a result of what I appeared like. I had received 70 kilos because my final stumble upon with paparazzi after they have been masking tales approximately anorexic actresses. I didn’t are looking to be in for being a fats actress. I met Ellen in 2001 while I weighed 168 kilos. I don’t comprehend if i used to be that weight precisely, yet i used to be heavy sufficient that the concept that she may need came upon me appealing or that shall we were a pair by no means entered my brain.

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